As Therapists, Here Are 8 Things We Decline to Do During the Holiday Season

While therapists acknowledge that they aren't infallible and flawless, they can serve as valuable individuals to seek advice from when guidance is needed.

Mental health pros share just how you can keep your stress to a minimum during the holidays

As the holidays draw near, everyone can benefit from a bit of support. Whether it involves establishing boundaries with a family member, navigating recovery from an eating disorder, or addressing other challenges, therapists frequently offer insightful perspectives. Occasionally, they provide us with the wisdom we didn't realize we needed to hear.

An essential aspect of self-care is recognizing what doesn't align with our well-being. To discover what therapists avoid during this holiday season (and gain tips on how you can also decline), continue reading.

Maintaining Personal Boundaries is Non-Negotiable

The pressure to simply acquiesce can intensify, particularly during the holiday season, yet adhering to your own "no" remains a valid choice.

Hayli Evans, a licensed marriage and family therapist, emphasized her focus this holiday season on maintaining her boundaries for the sake of her comfort rather than succumbing to external pressure. For her, this entails steering clear of political discussions misaligned with her worldview, declining events that exceed her capacity, and requesting family members not to kiss her infant daughter.

Evans asserted, "These boundaries not only serve to keep my family safe but also help to prevent resentment in relationships that are important to me. We don't do our loved ones any favors by violating our own boundaries to prevent them from feeling uncomfortable feelings."

Maggie C. Vaughan, a therapist and head of youth transformation at Tapouts, highlighted the possibility of demonstrating empathy while upholding boundaries. As an illustration, she presented a scenario where a parent communicates to their child, saying, "I know it's boring to get to bed on time, but I care about you and want you to be able to enjoy tomorrow."

Vaughan noted that this empathetic approach is particularly beneficial for children, as they internalize their parents' support and empathy, fostering self-compassion and confidence. This, in turn, reduces self-judgment and encourages a focus on empathy and constructive change.

They Refuse to Take on the Role of the Family's Unofficial Therapist

Maintaining a distinction between your professional and personal life is crucial, and this separation doesn't imply a lack of care for people or dedication to your job, as emphasized by Holly Wood, a therapist and sexologist.

Despite her passion for supporting mental health professionally, Wood underscores the importance of delineating boundaries between work and family life. This separation allows her to cherish meaningful moments with loved ones, particularly during festive times, without immersing herself in a therapeutic mindset.

This boundary also proves beneficial for family dynamics by preventing the phenomenon known as 'triangulation,' where conflicts between two family members are avoided by involving a third person. Wood explains, "By avoiding the therapist role within my family, I help prevent what we call 'triangulation.'"

To establish and maintain these boundaries, Wood advocates for clear communication from the outset. "Personally, clear communication has been my strongest ally," she shared. "Expressing my boundaries firmly yet respectfully to my family early on has made a significant difference."

Wood employs the DEAR MAN dialectical behavior therapy skill for effective communication, which involves describing, expressing, asserting, reinforcing, practicing mindfulness, appearing confident, and negotiating.

She also acknowledges the importance of recognizing that not everyone will immediately understand or accept her boundaries, allowing her to manage her expectations effectively.

They Refrain from Suppressing Challenging Emotions

Suppressing emotions can make you feel worse

Amidst the reunion with family you haven't seen in a while and the backdrop of cheerful music, there might be a perceived pressure to exude happiness during the holidays. However, it's perfectly acceptable if you don't feel or appear that way.

Nola Metz Simpson, a therapist and the founder of the Center for Loss, Grief, Hope & Healing, acknowledges the difficulty of holidays in the context of grief. She emphasizes the challenge of balancing the festive atmosphere with the deep feelings of sadness, especially when memories of loved ones are intricately connected to these significant times.

Simpson advocates for embracing and acknowledging all emotions, even the challenging ones. "I share the bittersweetness with others, hoping to validate it for them in some way, too," she explained.

Chelsea Bodie, a psychologist, resonates with this sentiment, highlighting the importance of not neglecting emotional feelings and expectations during the holidays. Financial stress, challenging family dynamics, and personal expectations often accompany the festive season.

To navigate these emotions, small intentional steps can be taken to honor loved ones who have passed. Simpson suggests activities such as lighting candles in their honor, exchanging memories, or placing their pictures on the table. These gestures not only integrate the memory of loved ones into the season but also support the healing process and normalize the experience of loss.

On an individual level, it's essential to normalize the experience of having emotions with self-compassion. Bodie encourages individuals to give themselves permission to feel their emotions and emphasizes that having a mix of emotions during the holidays doesn't make one ungrateful or unappreciative.

They Prioritize Their Mental Health and Won't Neglect It

The holiday season tends to be a whirlwind of activity for many of us, filled with plans with old friends, family traditions, baking cookies, and gift-buying. In the midst of it all, it's crucial to pay attention to your own needs.

Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counselor specializing in relationships, stress, self-esteem, and coping skills, emphasizes the importance of taking breaks and stepping back from work during this busy time. Prioritizing rest, nourishment, and giving oneself a break are key elements for maintaining mental well-being. Kritsas notes that by prioritizing her mental health, she can be the best version of herself for her loved ones and clients.

To achieve this, Kritsas encourages incorporating moments of self-care and regularly reminding oneself of its value, even amid the holiday chaos. Taking time for oneself to recharge is not only personally beneficial but also a practice she recommends to others. While acknowledging the significance of making plans and spending time with friends and family, she emphasizes the importance of knowing when to say 'no' and prioritizing oneself, ultimately contributing to a more enjoyable holiday season.

They Refrain from Overcommitting Themselves to Work

Feeling pressured to work over the holidays is not uncommon, driven by factors such as demanding bosses, financial obligations, or personal pride in one's work. However, it's crucial to recognize that avoiding overworking is a worthy goal.

Christina Canuto, a licensed marriage and family therapist associate with Choosing Therapy, acknowledges the cultural pressures to work continuously, especially during the last months of the year when work projects intensify and the pressure to deliver increases.

Canuto emphasizes the importance of saying "no" to work to take time for self-reconnection and spending quality moments with loved ones during the holidays. Proactively planning for time off is key, allowing for a balance between personal and professional aspects.

To achieve this, Canuto offers two main tips: proactive planning and mindfulness. Planning ahead to secure time off during the holidays, designating specific periods for oneself, one's partner, and family and friends is beneficial. Communicating this plan to bosses, clients, or colleagues allows them to prepare and provide necessary materials in advance or be willing to wait until after the holidays for project completion.

Canuto extends her proactive approach to financial planning, emphasizing budgeting and minimizing expenses in the preceding month to ensure the ability to afford time off. This comprehensive strategy aims to prioritize well-being and achieve a healthier work-life balance during the holiday season.

They Avoid Expecting Perfection from Themselves and Others

The holiday season often comes with expectations of perfection, whether it's achieving a flawless dessert or capturing the ideal family photo. The influence of social media can exacerbate the feeling that everyone else's holiday is perfect while ours falls short.

Kelly Weekers, a psychologist and bestselling author in Europe, advises against falling into the expectation-versus-reality trap. Setting overly high expectations for oneself or others during this time can lead to disappointments and increased stress. Weekers emphasizes the importance of being realistic and appreciative, finding that this approach enhances the enjoyment of the holiday season.

Kimberly Vered Shashoua, a licensed clinical social worker, shares a similar perspective, advocating for the acceptance that 'good enough' is indeed good enough. Rather than striving for perfection in holiday decorations or celebrations, she encourages embracing the feeling of contentment with what is already deemed satisfactory.

To implement this mindset, Weekers suggests lowering expectations, focusing on what authentically feels good, and recognizing the broader significance of the holiday spirit. She highlights the value of celebrating without the undue stress of expensive gifts, perfectly styled outfits, or Christmas-commercial-worthy table decorations, emphasizing that simplicity and authenticity can contribute to a more fulfilling holiday experience.

They Steer Clear of Overbooking Themselves

Don't put pressure on yourself to make everything perfect this season

During the holidays, the pressure to participate in numerous activities can be overwhelming, especially when feeling exhausted after a long year. The Rev. Connie L. Habash, a licensed marriage and family therapist, points out the ease with which individuals may overcommit themselves during a time when space, quiet, and slowing down are needed.

Amanda Stretcher, a counselor and supervisor with Choosing Therapy, acknowledges this challenge and emphasizes the value of saying "no" at times. Stretcher highlights that by avoiding overcommitment, individuals create space to fully engage in the events they do attend, allowing them to savor meaningful moments without constant worry.

To navigate these decisions, Habash suggests taking a moment, or even a few days, before committing to anything. This pause provides the opportunity to check in with one's heart, soul, and realistic calendar. By discerning whether the commitment aligns with a genuine "yes" or if it feels like unnecessary pressure and stress (a 'should' or 'have to'), individuals can make more intentional choices.

Stretcher recommends setting realistic expectations, scheduling time for personal well-being, being mindful of social media use, and communicating boundaries. She emphasizes that it's okay to prioritize mental health and encourages reframing decision-making as a positive act of embracing the power of choice. A mindful approach to commitments, she suggests, fosters a deeper connection with the true spirit of the holidays. Prioritizing activities that bring joy and align with personal values becomes essential in this perspective.

They Embrace Opportunities to Spend Meaningful Time with Loved Ones and Don't Turn Them Down

During the holiday season, some individuals may choose to push themselves, finding value in not wanting to live with regret about missing special moments. Leah Young, the clinical manager at Eating Recovery Center and Pathlight Mood & Anxiety Center, expresses her determination not to let fatigue prevent her from spending time with loved ones or engaging in meaningful activities.

To make this approach work, Young emphasizes the importance of incorporating extra self-care later and being intentional about what she agrees to. It involves a mindful consideration of personal values and priorities without judgment.

In summary, the key theme revolves around setting boundaries, both with oneself and with others. Leah Young's approach highlights the significance of understanding one's values and priorities while being thoughtful about commitments.

Leah Wood, another mental health professional, suggests that for those struggling with setting boundaries, starting with smaller boundaries in less intense situations can be a good beginning. Seeking support from a professional or loved ones is also encouraged.

Though setting boundaries can be challenging, the process is ongoing and requires practice and patience. Ultimately, it contributes to fostering a healthier and happier family dynamic during the holidays.Top of FormTop of Form