TikTok is once again shedding light
on the dynamics of our relationships, possibly revealing hidden facets within
them.
 |
| The "bird test" -- which concerns what are known as bids in a relationship -- can tell you a lot about your partnership, according to social media users |
As individuals gauge the strength
of their connections through the "orange
peel theory" – a metric assessing a partner's willingness to engage in
small, thoughtful gestures – another trend has surfaced on the social media
platform in recent weeks: the bird test. This new concept involves observing
how a partner responds when you casually mention something seemingly trivial,
such as a bird outside your window.
According to TikTok user @alyssacardib, the bird test suggests that if your partner, be it romantic or otherwise, responds with genuine curiosity to seemingly insignificant remarks, it indicates a positive sign for the longevity of your relationship.
Essentially, the interest your
partner shows in your conversations may hold significant clues. Is your
significant other genuinely engaged in your seemingly inconsequential remarks,
or do they brush them aside or overlook them? If it's the former,
congratulations are in order, as the internet perceives this as indicative of a
robust relationship. On the other hand, if it's the latter, it might be a
signal that your relationship is facing challenges.
Interestingly, this test is linked
to research conducted by the Gottman Institute, which posits that healthy
couples consistently make and accept "bids" from one another. Bids,
described as the "fundamental unit
of emotional communication," can encompass various forms, such as
physical touch, verbal cues, or any expression (even discussions about birds).
Georgina Sturmer, a registered
counselor at the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy,
highlighted, "I would say that the
bird test is a sort of bid. After all, the motivation behind it isn’t about
drawing our partner’s attention to our interest in [bird-watching]. It’s driven
by a desire to see whether they are paying attention to what we have to say.
And then noticing whether they ‘acknowledge,’ ‘ignore,’ or ‘reject’ our bid ―
to use Gottman’s terminology."
It's worth noting that the original TikTok video by @alyssacardib focused on her relationship with a friend rather than a romantic partner. Nevertheless, the principles from the Gottman study can be applied to non-romantic relationships, as bids, not necessarily related to birds, are foundational in connecting with others.
The Crucial Role of Bids and Why They Hold the Key to Connection
As per Gottman's research, bids can
manifest in diverse ways, all with the common objective of establishing a
connection with another person. In essence, a thriving and successful
relationship is characterized by numerous bids that are not only appreciated
when received but also reciprocated frequently.
Relationship coach Sidhharrth
Kumaar emphasized, "These are the
little exchanges that allow partners to become closer to one another.
Underlying needs and desires are frequently reflected in bids which one is not
able to express in words."
Experts say the "bird test" doesn't necessarily indicate whether your relationship is trouble, but there are ways to bring up issues you have with the "results" to your partner or friend
Furthermore, Kumaar pointed out
that accepting a bid plays a crucial role in helping partners "feel heard and important."
Verbal bids encompass a range of
expressions, including invitations to share a cup of coffee or engage in a
casual chat, as exemplified in the bird test. Nonverbal bids, on the other
hand, can take various forms such as facial expressions (blowing a kiss,
smiling), affectionate touching (a back rub, a kiss, a squeeze), playful
gestures (dancing), affiliating actions (opening a door, offering a chair), or
vocalizations (laughing, grunting).
The way your partner responds to these behaviors, at least in your perception, can indicate their feelings towards you and may influence your subsequent actions.
Can the Mysterious 'Bird Test' Truly Predict the Doom of Your Love Story?
The bird test brings attention to
the significance of everyday interactions," noted Sturmer. It underscores
the importance of being attentive and appreciative of each other’s insights and
opinions. In our busy daily lives, accustomed to making plans, debriefing about
our days, and organizing tasks, we sometimes overlook the simple act of 'being'
with each other.
Sturmer pointed out that the viral
trend also speaks to our inherent human need to genuinely connect with each
other, regardless of the nature of the relationship, emphasizing that
fulfilling this desire requires a conscious effort to move beyond complacency.
However, Kumaar emphasized caution,
suggesting that while the bird test may hold some importance, it shouldn't
serve as the sole measure of a successful relationship. "A 'failed' outcome in this test should
signal the need to revitalize the emotional bond in a relationship and work on
re-establishing the 'Cupid vibes,'" Kumaar advised. It can be a tool
for course correction rather than a reason to clip the wings of a relationship
and break it up.
Sturmer concurred with this perspective, highlighting how the test serves more as an indicator of the attention partners pay to each other. It prompts us to question whether we are making an effort to stay connected and if this feels like a relationship with enduring qualities, she added. If not, it prompts us to consider whether we are willing to invest the effort to make it happen.
Secret of Introducing the 'Bird Test' to Your Partner or Friend with Tact
and Intrigue
To initiate a conversation about
the trending idea on social media, consider discussing the significance of bids
in a relationship.
Addressing this issue, Sturmer
recommended employing "I statements"
to express your feelings and thoughts, especially if you've already attempted
the bird test with the other person. There's a risk that they might feel as if
you're putting them on the spot, testing them, and accusing them of something,
she cautioned. Explaining things from your perspective removes any sense of
blame and helps them see things from your point of view.
Instead of highlighting that the
other person hasn't technically "passed" the test, consider sharing
with your partner how their lack of response to your bid made you feel, advised
Sturmer.
Kumaar also stressed the importance
of the conversation's context. "Don't
bring it up all of a sudden, out of the blue," he cautioned. Introduce
it in the normal flow of conversation. The more natural and simple the
approach, the more genuine and authentic the responses will be.
Above all, don't be disheartened.
While a lighthearted approach like the bird test shouldn't be treated as a make-or-break
issue, view it as an opportunity to evaluate the strength of communication in
your relationship. In essence, feel free to experiment with the test, but if
the results don't align with your expectations, be prepared to put in the
effort to address and resolve any underlying issues.
0 Comments