Step aside, traditional flirting –
there's a new, pint-sized dating trend making waves: Enter micro-flirting.
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| Micro-flirting is flirting “in a subtle, not-so-obvious way and is usually done to gauge if one person is interested in the other.” |
As per a press release from
PositivesDating.com, global searches for micro-flirting surged on Google in
December. In a world seemingly obsessed with all things miniature –
microplastics, microjobs, microlearning, and now micro-flirting – one might
yearn for something full-sized, for a change.
PositivesDating.com defines micro-flirting as a subtle, not-so-obvious form of flirting, often employed to assess mutual interest between individuals. It also serves as a savvy strategy to shield oneself from potential rejection, given that low-key flirting can be easily construed as mere friendliness.
While those who treat flirting like
a competitive sport may dismiss the notion, micro-flirting isn't trying to win
them over anyway. It caters to the socially awkward, the introverted, those who
might struggle to catch a social cue even under life-or-death circumstances.
On TikTok, Gen Z individuals
exchange subtle signs of this trend: Is your usually reserved colleague
engaging in prolonged, scripted conversations tailored precisely to your
interests? Are they incorporating microgestures, such as touching their neck or
biting their lip during conversations? That could be micro-flirting!
However, on X (formerly Twitter),
older generations often scoff at the term. One person tweeted, "What the hell is microflirting pls be
normal."
“Most people start with micro-flirting before they engage in flirting. It’s 1% of people that go for the kill right away! 99% of others micro-flirt," said dating coach Marni Kinrys
Even dating experts find amusement in the trend. Kimmy Seltzer, a dating coach and host of the Charisma Quotient podcast, sees micro-flirting as nothing more than flirting in a teeny-tiny disguise. She remarked, "The funny thing to me is that I’ve been teaching flirting for years, and what is being defined as 'micro' to me is flirting."
According to Seltzer, a significant
portion of our communication is nonverbal, and thus, body language plays a
crucial role in expressing attraction.
She points out that demonstrating
subtle signs of micro-flirting is more alluring, approachable, and manageable
compared to engaging in over-the-top "macro" actions, which may come
across as excessive, silly, or inauthentic.
Marni Kinrys, a dating coach specializing
in teaching men how to attract women, shares a similar perspective, viewing
micro-flirting as nothing more than flirting in lowercase.
"People have been scared to flirt for centuries," she notes.
"It’s just in movies where people
are open, over the top, direct flirters."
Kinrys emphasizes that most individuals start with micro-flirting before progressing to more overt forms of flirting. She states, "It’s 1% of people that go for the kill right away! 99% of others micro-flirt."
When executed adeptly, subtle
flirting, as opposed to flashy displays, can indeed be effective. Jordan
Willis, a makeup artist hailing from Orange County, California, humorously
shares that she successfully employed micro-flirting to navigate her way into a
seven-year relationship.
She suggests that not revealing too
much upfront serves as a strategy to captivate interest. Willis explains,
"Micro-flirting is flirting while
still playing the game and playing it cool."
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| Direct eye contact is one of the more solid ways to show subtle signs of attraction |
However, it's crucial not to go overboard with subtlety. Willis emphasizes the importance of finding a balance, cautioning against veering into the territory of playing too hard to get. Striking the right chord involves creating a bit of intrigue without making the pursuit seem insurmountable – just enough to keep the chase alive.
Five subtle signs of micro-flirting
While Seltzer believes that
flirting and micro-flirting are essentially synonymous, she welcomes new
trends. Consequently, she provided some signs of micro-flirting, and dating
coach Connell Barrett also shared a few examples.
Eye contact
Establishing direct eye contact in
a subtle, alluring manner, rather than a potentially unsettling "serial-killer" gaze, is a reliable
method to convey attraction, according to Seltzer.
She recommends the "three-second rule" as an effective technique for expressing interest, particularly in crowded settings where you aim to capture someone's attention. This involves looking at the person for a brief moment, then diverting your gaze before returning to make eye contact again—all within approximately three seconds. This approach is designed to create a connection between both parties.
Proximity
If your crush is standing closer to
you than usual, they might be engaging in micro-flirting, according to Seltzer.
She explains that being in close
proximity allows for the use of open body language and gentle touches on the
arm or shoulder. These gestures convey receptiveness and interest, contributing
to the creation of a more inviting and comfortable space between individuals.
Microfacial signals
Subtle signals like raising
eyebrows, smirking, winking and genuine smiles are fairly obvious signs of
flirting, Seltzer said.
Teasing
For better or worse, negging can be a form of micro-flirting, Barrett said, like “playfully poking fun of a person’s taste in movies or TV.”
Asking a ton of questions
If someone you know is suddenly
adopting a full-on Anderson Cooper approach with you, they could be expressing
interest, as suggested by Barrett.
However, Barrett notes that a less
effective form of micro-flirting involves bombarding the other person with
numerous questions, essentially entering "interview mode." This
approach tends to be less successful because the other person may feel more
interrogated than flirted with.
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| “Micro-flirting can complement a direct approach. If you’re too subtle, micro-flirting can make your dating options microscopic,” said dating coach Connell Barrett |
Some cautioning on micro-flirting
If someone displays just one of the mentioned behaviors, it's important not to hastily jump to conclusions and assume they're romantically interested. For instance, the woman at the gym might be gazing into the mirror behind you, not making eye contact. The awkward coworker bombarding you with questions during happy hour might just be socially awkward, and the friendly barista might simply be amiable.
Instead, consider the collective
picture—perhaps you've observed three out of the five signs from your crush.
Additionally, look for other context clues that could support your
interpretation, such as if the person is newly single. In such cases, it's a reasonable
guess that they might be interested in you.
The ambiguity of micro-flirting is
why Barrett isn't a fan of it, although he understands why shy individuals may
prefer this approach. He also acknowledges that men who want to avoid making
women uncomfortable or coming off as creepy might opt for micro-flirting.
Barrett cautions that
micro-flirting's subtlety may be too obscure for people to detect, potentially
leading to misunderstandings. Your crush might interpret your smile or eye
contact as friendliness rather than flirtation.
As a dating coach, Barrett advises
singles to be clear about their romantic interests. While micro-flirting can be
a starting point, he suggests leveling up if you sense the other person is
receptive. According to Barrett, "Micro-flirting
can complement a direct approach. If you're too subtle, micro-flirting can make
your dating options microscopic."
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