For anyone who has experienced
singledom, it's no secret how presumptuous people can be about your lifestyle.
Unsolicited advice about your love life is readily offered, even with good
intentions. Similarly, at work, assumptions are made that you can cover
holidays because, well, you're single, and your family presumably resides in
another state.
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| “People assume that I’m not ‘putting myself out there.’ I looked ‘out there.’ I’m good!” one reader joked |
Society abounds with these broad
assumptions, as shared by our readers below. They recount the most irksome
presumptions people make about being single.
Responses have been edited lightly for clarity and brevity.
The assumption that I don't want to Attend your Kid's Birthday Party
People don't invite you to their
kids' parties when you're single. 'We didn't think you'd be into it!' they'll
say. You have kids, and they like to party. Same. There's nothing worse than
seeing the couples from a friend group standing by the bouncy house in photos
from a party I wasn't invited to. All in front of the bouncy house, afraid of
fun.
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| Single people like kids' parties, too! |
I would've been in there. I love getting stoned and eating cake. I'll play with your kid. I'll eat pizza. Does your baby want a gift card to Starbucks? I got them. Invite singles to your kid's birthday party. Let them have cake. ― Tori Pool
The assumption that I haven't tried online dating
'Have you tried dating apps?' I
love this question as if it isn't the bane of every single person's existence
to log onto a dating app only to mind-numbingly swipe right and left in pursuit
of the joys of matching with a number of people who will ask how your weekend
was, and then never respond when they find out.
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| Yes, your perpetually single friend has tried online dating. |
There's always the option of
talking about your job, which you also hate, and then now you're annoyed at
discussing your unfulfilling labor with a stranger who has assuredly lied about
his height being 6'1. Don't worry, I have therapy after this. ― Kristina Hart
People assume that I'm not 'putting myself out there.' I looked 'out there.' I'm good! ― Delaney C.
The presumption that I'm Wealthy
As a single person, I've
encountered some absurd assumptions about my lifestyle, but none more ludicrous
than the belief that I have abundant disposable income. I have rent, utilities,
phone, and grocery bills just like everyone else, and I'm not splitting any of
them!
However, for some reason, it's assumed that because I don't have a partner or children, I have nothing and no one to spend money on, so I just hoard it? It blows my mind! ― Leslie Bethany
The assumption that I'm having sex every other night
I think it's hilarious when guys in
relationships assume that when you're single, you can hook up with everyone you
want whenever you want. They seem to forget the time and effort involved in
dating. I'm very ambitious and a workaholic, so meeting up with strangers is
very low on my list of 'things to do when I have some free time.'
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| No, your single friends aren't out there having sex every night. They're probably at home watching TV or on the internet |
Not to say I don't want to date, but I think the way they make it sound effortless is comical. 'Yeah, if I were you, every night I'd be hooking up with someone! I'd be going crazy!' If only it were that easy! ― James Camacho
The assumption that my life isn't fulfilling or joyful
My freedom is awesome. There is so
much joy in choosing my own path. People think I'm searching desperately for
someone to choose me when, in fact, I've chosen myself. Other assumptions? That
I wake up feeling lonely, when the truth is I wake up in joy. That I'm against
love, when what I'm against is ending up with someone who doesn't add to my
joy. ― Catherine S.
I got divorced in 1988 and never had a desire to marry again. To me, being married meant giving up myself. While I had male friends and lived with two of them, I advised them from the beginning there would be no marriage. Now I'm 70, and some think I should have a 'partner.' I am very happy solo: I made my own money, own my own home, make my own orgasms, and traveled. I recently retired, bought a house with my oldest, see my grandson daily, and life is very, very good. I am happy. ― Donna F.
The assumption that I didn't need my job as much as they did
We had layoffs at least three times
within a decade while I was at my old job at Hallmark, and there were always
rumors about it beforehand for weeks. Most of my coworkers were married and/or
had children, and they'd make some pretty sweeping assumptions about the single
people around me (as well as myself) having fewer 'mouths to feed' or reasons
they needed the job. It was especially ironic given the fact that most of them
were married to spouses who also worked at Hallmark and/or were paid well, meaning
they had a safety net to fall back on.
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| Your single co-workers need their jobs just as much as you |
I was raised by a single mom who had to plan her whole life around making sure her job was always as close to 100% secure and reliable as possible. I knew what it was like to lack that safety net. I also ended up caregiving for my mom as she died from cancer during one of the sets of layoffs, which made these comments sting quite a bit more. The implication was definitely 'well, no one is relying on you,' which was fundamentally not true. During layoffs, it often felt like single people were seen as more expendable. ― Anna Wenner
The assumption that I must be a hot mess
There's this preconception that
because you're single, you obviously must be sad about it, wilting away in your
loneliness, deprived, suffering, desperate, horny, or even desperately horny,
and you instantly fall into the typecast of an all-around hot mess. What's
sadder is often most of that projection comes from other women not in your
position.
I'm guilty of falling into that
narrative myself; as a stand-up comedian, I've found myself almost compulsively
writing material about the woes and lows of being commitment-less and
navigating casual dating. It took a lot of self-awareness, slowing down, and
not giving a fuck for me to realize I wasn't desiring a relationship as much as
I thought I was. Maybe I was just letting society's need for me to settle
change my own agenda when, in actuality, I was plenty busy, fulfilled, and
content riding solo through my own life and adventures.
I'm a domestic violence survivor who willingly, consciously, and carefully took 2-3 years after my last relationship to heal and put myself back together and then spent another year or two moving with this blind pressure of getting into another relationship, something I have full confidence awaits me but this time under the context and timing. ― Brittany Brave
The assumption that I'm less deserving of the good vacation days
People think I have nothing but
free time, and that because of that, I can get the last choice of vacation
dates vs. my coworkers. ― M. Beth Stephenson
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| Single people need vacation time, too! |
The assumption that at my age, I must really be desperate
I married 'late' at 39. I was
married for five mins, ....er, I mean five years. I've been single ever since.
Now at 67, it seems like the mature men I've dated are all looking for someone
to take care of them. I made an active decision not to have children when I was
13. Why would I want to take on a caregiver role to my 'partner'? ― Terilee H.
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