As the saying goes, "don't sweat the small stuff."
However, for many of us, this is easier said than done.
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| Experts share just exactly how we can let go of the little frustrations that are stressing us out |
"It's not uncommon to get upset over small things at times,"
explained Nicole Raines, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "Especially after the collective past few
years we've experienced, with the uncertainty and grief, you may be feeling
more on edge than before."
We all experience moments of frustration and emotional outbursts, but it's important to note the frequency of these incidents. You might start to feel like you have a short fuse all the time.
"If someone finds themselves repeatedly getting upset over seemingly
minor events, it can be a sign of underlying stress," noted licensed
marriage and family therapist Becky Stuempfig. "Everyone has 'off' days when even the smallest problems can cause
irritation, but if there's a pattern of strong reactions to relatively minor
events, it could indicate that something deeper is causing this irritability."
She highlighted a range of
potential underlying causes for low emotional tolerance, including relationship
challenges, financial instability, food insecurity, unresolved trauma, grief,
depression, anxiety, substance abuse, sleep problems, isolation, undiagnosed
mental health conditions, and more.
"The common element is that there is an unmet need that is leading to
irritability," Stuempfig explained.
To address this situation, Raines, Stuempfig, and other experts offered advice for individuals experiencing frequent frustration over minor issues.
Track your responses
"Be curious about what you are experiencing," advised Raines.
"Sometimes, the fear of something
being 'wrong' can intensify the emotion."
She suggested observing the
intensity, frequency, and duration of negative feelings.
"What do you notice in moments when your emotional response feels more
appropriate to the situation?" Raines inquired. "Are there things from those moments that you
can recreate or do more of?"
Conversely, examine where your
thoughts wander when you feel easily frustrated and overreact, recommended
Racine Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
"Do old memories come to mind?" she added. "By tracking your responses, you can begin to address the real cause of the reaction. What is happening in real time likely isn't the root issue, and something else is likely fueling the short fuse."
Give yourself some space
When you start feeling easily
frustrated, it's crucial to pay attention to your gut reactions while also
avoiding impulsive reactions.
"You can start by giving yourself chances to delay your overreaction,"
advised Henry. "A first step could
be removing yourself from the triggering situation."
This might involve stepping out of
the room and finding a private, quiet space to breathe and process your
reaction.
"The objective is to take moments to consciously and intentionally choose to react differently, despite your organic feelings," Henry emphasized.
Try self-soothing techniques
"For someone experiencing regular irritability, mindfulness and deep
breathing exercises can be beneficial in calming the nervous system,"
advised Stuempfig. "Engaging in
sensory activities that focus on what we hear, smell, taste, and feel in the
moment can help reduce irritability by reducing the time spent worrying about
past or future events."
From meditation and yoga to
painting and gardening, there are numerous sensory activities that adults can
explore. Even activities like dancing and listening to music can be mindful
practices.
Raines also suggested focusing on
the five senses as a way to self-soothe during moments of stress. For instance,
you might touch something soft, tap your fingers, take deep breaths, smell
something pleasant, or focus on a piece of art on the wall.
"Be mindful of the environment around you through each of the five senses or the ones that are accessible to you," she advised.
Take stock of big areas of your
life
"If you frequently react with anger disproportionate to the situation,
it can be helpful to examine the major areas of your life to identify any unmet
needs," advised Stuempfig. "Consider
if there are past traumatic events that have not been fully addressed or
processed, unresolved losses, or tension in a relationship that needs to be
addressed."
She recommended reflecting on
whether financial or job-related concerns are adding to your overall stress, or
if you're feeling isolated and lonely.
"Recognize when your 'emotional bucket' is filling up quickly and take
time to reflect on why that might be," added clinical psychologist
Zainab Delawalla. "Even if
everything seems okay on the surface, you might be operating just below your
threshold without a healthy buffer to handle setbacks. There needs to be some
flexibility for the day to unfold naturally and for you to handle it without
feeling overwhelmed."
Merely trying to "keep things under control" and expecting everything to go according to plan is not sustainable, as unexpected changes and issues will inevitably arise. Addressing underlying issues will give you the capacity to handle unexpected moments in a healthier manner.
Reach out to loved ones
"Feeling upset is different from experiencing feelings accompanied by
outbursts," noted Raines. "When
anger and frustration lead to outbursts or challenging behaviors, having
support to find ways to manage can be beneficial."
Simply talking to a friend about
your feelings can offer valuable support, both in general and during moments of
overreaction.
"Reach out to someone you trust to share or process what you're feeling,"
suggested Henry.
If you feel overwhelmed by your
emotions and notice changes in your behavior, seek support from loved ones. You
may realize that your reactions stem from communication issues that need
addressing.
"Chronic irritability can stem from resentment toward others and difficulty communicating emotional needs, which are often interconnected," explained Stuempfig. "Many people struggle to express themselves, leading to internalized feelings. This can result in resentment buildup, dissatisfaction, and a high baseline level of anger and irritability, rather than asking for what they need."
Talk to a professional
"There are individual differences in how much daily frustrations each of
us can handle," explained Delawalla. "However, depression, anxiety, or unresolved past trauma can
significantly impact our ability to manage these frustrations and often lead to
intense emotional responses that may seem disproportionate to the
circumstances."
Seeking professional help to manage symptoms of depression, anxiety, PTSD, and other issues is important.
"If multiple people are noting that your irritability appears
disproportionate to the trigger, it's a good time to seek support from a mental
health professional to explore deeper issues and address unmet needs,"
advised Stuempfig.
Even if you don't believe you have
serious mental health issues, speaking with a therapist can help you understand
why your emotional responses feel disproportionate to their triggers.
"Therapy can help you develop behavioral patterns that allow you to
express emotions in healthy and productive ways, maintaining a healthy buffer,"
Delawalla added. "It can also aid in
processing life changes."
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